...

No one ever tells me that I'm beautiful. =(

Guilty but annoyed.

Yes, that's how I currently feel.

Alan comes by so often that whenever I want one day to myself and with only my family, the chance is 0%. I don't think I can tell him that. There will be misunderstanding. Sometimes I just wish he doesn't come by for a few days. I'm just so tired of him. Yes he's my sister's boyfriend and all that but Gawd, he doesn't have to come by EVERYDAY. EVERY FUCKING DAY!

My sister's such a clingy whore... =[
It annoys me everytime he comes by now but I feel bad for feeling so. =_= I don't mind him but sometimes I want some time to myself... Without worrying about him barging in. Sometimes he just does but I don't like the fact that he just barged in without my green light. He just knocks [which is okay] and open the door. I mean... come ooonnnn.... go somewhere else with my sister or something!!

;_;
I need to rant... because these few days I've been ignoring him but I feel bad so I made myself talk to him. =<

I pitied him because he's with my sister. Other than being a clingy whore and a bitch, she's also an attention whore. D: If he said something to her to teach her things she'll start saying by oh he doesn't love her and etc... Gawd, I salute Allan for having such such huge patience but if it was me, I don't think I can last with her for a week. =/

She's annoying. She tends to fight a lot. Annoying bitch... And well, I just need some privacy... A PURE PRIVACY. Other than that my mum has been complaining to me how much they spent for him. I don't think we can afford buying food for him all the time. It's like having another family member with us. And whenever my mum asked him to eat her cooking he'll be reluctant but still eats - but not a lot but when we bought food, he finished it all. -_- Which is... again... annoying.

Besides, my dad gave him RM200 because he came here saying he wanted to buy a new phone but he had no money. It's not like he asked but my dad actually gave him RM200. An outsider... RM200. I'm not jealous... it's just unbelievable. I swear if Allan is his son, I think I'll be cast aside like trash.

I told him if he has a son, he won't love me. He said no, it'll be equal... but I shot back saying that he said that now because he doesn't have a son.

Which is true.

It's one of those special days.

Yeap, that's right.
Special day for mothers.

Happy Mother's Day~!

It's one of those days when mothers are treated like queen but I assumed that it will all go back to normal again once the clock strikes 12am. Isn't it? Today is one of those days when her kids will clean up the whole house and a little break from cooking. This is the day all mothers wish they have everyday.

Last night I went for a last minute shopping for my mum. Well, I had no idea what to buy for her. She has a lot of bags and accessories already. As for clothes, I found nothing that suits her. So I ended up buying her a cup. I'll take a picture of it when I have the chance or when I'm up for it.

Currently, it's raining heavily - the weather I wished for everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. It's a weather that I love the most. I'm not complaining. I love sitting in the living room with the door wide open and the wind blowing it. I love the sound of the rain which seems to be calming for me. I love reading a novel with a cup of hot chocolate while enjoying the cooling breeze that swept in once in a while. Yeap, I LOVE rain.

Sunny days makes me lazy and grumpy. And ew-wy....
I sound like an old lady.

Other than just cups, Allan bought her the hanging accessories thing. And on the way back, we bought her a red daisy. One for his mum, one for mine. Despite that Allan is not related to my mum at all, he chipped in to buy her the presents. A small part but to me, it's huge. Why? Because my sister, the ungrateful dog, not only didn't chipped in but Allan had to FORCE HER to say 'Happy Mother's Day' to mum. FORCE. Her OWN mother.

It all started when I needed Allan to follow me to Spring. She doesn't like it when I go out with Allan but I needed to. Other wise, I won't even bother to ask. =/ I did not know how big the present Allan bought for my mum and I was searching for a box to put it in. From the moment we stepped out of the house, she showed me how angry she is. And Allan had to please her all the time. I was so angry inside I amost wanted to slap her in public. Such a bitch. She thinks she's so 'Your Highness'. Fuck that. Can't wait to get rid of her.

I'm really disappointed at her last night. I thought she could change into a better person but now I doubt. Gave her many chance but she blew it every single time.

After being forced by Allan, she reluctantly walked up to my mother and said in a very soft, low, unhappy voice 'Happy Mother's Day' and stomped off in the living room. Seeing that I rather her to shut the fuck up than to say something now. It's not from the bottom of her heart that she said it. It's because she was forced to. Allan was unhappy too and he followed her. After that I paid no attention to them as I was attending to my mum who did not let that let her down. She was commenting on the present and the flower. =] I'm glad that she likes them. It was then I saw Allan walked out of the house and slammed the door close followed by my sister. I knew something was wrong. He was unhappy with how my sister treated my mother. =/ Well she deserved it.

Such a drama and selfish queen.

My mum said it's better to treat the kitten nicer than my sister. I'm not sure if I should call her my sister anymore. She hates me so much that I'm sure if she has the chance, she'll stab me in my sleep. Thus, why I lock the door most of the times. It is true when my mum said that even though we cut our heads for her, she'll remain ungrateful.

Not only she's an ungrateful bitch, she's also a thief.
Things tend to 'disappear' from this house.
We caught her red handed a few times.

Yeap, I'm living with a thief... parhaps a professional one in the future.

That's how much hope I put on her.
That little.
Cause after last night, I guess I can say it's beyond disappointment.
A sister's love for her...
I guess it's wasted.
I think I should stop wasting my energy on her.
I'm really tired of trying to make her happy.
It's never enough for her.

My parents said it's fated to adopt her...
Otherwise, they would never do it.

I guess we all regretted it a lot.

I would have do it if I have the guts.

Just came back from the hospital not too long ago.

Today my mum told me that I'm a burden to her. I know.
I said that if I die her life would be so much easier.
She replied that I said it, not her.
She didn't disagree.
Which means... she agreed that her life would be so much easier if I am not here anymore.
Well, gotta suck it up.

I would have commit suicide a long time ago if I have the guts to do it.
I would have so done it.
Then everything will be okay for her.
Sure, there will be crying for my death.
But that won't last long.
I doubt it will anyway. XD
I don't think I play a big part in anyone's life.
My existence is just there.
And that's it.

I'm the huge rock in my parents' life.
And maybe just a friend to everybody else.
Yea, this post is emo.
Can't help it ya know.
When you have your own mother always telling you how tired she is of taking care of you.

Inside I'm angry.
Mostly at myself.

I would have talked to dad.
Cause he understands things instead of just assuming things like mum.
But I couldn't have done it without crying.
But I refused to cry.
So I said nothing.
Mum has always been negative.
When your motive is for the best despite that it went against her, she thinks of the worst.
That's just how she is.
I'm not trying to make her sound like a bad mother.
In fact, she's great!
But there are flaws in everybody.
Including the people you love the most in the whole world.

Mum's flaws are that she's really selfish.
She never put herself in other people's shoes before commenting or taking an action.
Sometimes I'm just fed up with her negativity.
It's not like I want to be rude to her. I'm just fed up of arguing cause at the end of it, it goes back round to her again.
She's self pity. =/ Which i despise most of the time.
She doesn't know her own schedule.
She waits for us for five minutes but told us she has been waiting for the past 15 - 30 minutes but when we waited for her for more than 15 minutes, she said we just called her five minutes ago. Wow... Just.. a bad wow.... Or she would use the excuse oh how busy she is and ya da ya da. When she waited, we might be busy too but no we didn't complain! We shut the hell up cause again, at the end of the day, she would say that we should have called her later cause she has tons of work to do at home. What tons of work? She's able to rest for the whole afternoon most of the days. How about those who work outside and is only able to handle things at home after 5?

Sometimes... She gives me the mental stress.
Which leads to depression.
And depression ,made me feel like keeping everything on my own.
Me and her, we can't settle down and talk.
She's over sensitive.
Dad has always been the middle man.

Now dad's flaws...
He's the best dad in the world but again, like everybody else, he has his day.
But he doesn't give me as much stress as my mum.
It's just that he likes to do things the last minute and is always in a hurry.
And he would get frustrated and be all PMS-ing. XD
He likes to nag too but not as much as my mum.
When mum nags, my ears bleed.
You get the point.

As for my sister....
She can be nice...
But most of the time...
she's a bitch.
End of story.

Well, there's someone who has been spreading rumours about my parents, especially my mother... Bad mouthing her and shiz.

Despite all the complains I said above, she has always been a great mum.
And she has always been the reason I kept on picking myself up whenever I fall.
Sure, when she said that I'm a burden to her, it's out of frustration. She's weak, health and mental-wise.
When she's frustrated, the world for me has always been dark cause somehow I ended up being pulled into her frustration.
When her world is bright, my world is the sun. That bright, Uh-huh.
Everyone has their arguments and debates with their mum.

And dad...
I know that he always has my back.
He will always be the one supporting.
In fact, he's the one who held my hand when I was trying to pick myself up from my long fall.
He's also one of the reasons why I am here today.

My sister... yea, I despised her sometimes.
But i had my good times with her too.
When she was sick, I wanted to take care of her. =\ Instead of letting her rot at one corner like all evil sisters should do. XD!
So in a way, I love her.
But when I say I hate her... and that I meant it...

I don't.

You know... I have always think that...
When I die, I want my parents to read this blog.

This is where all my thoughts are.
Everything.

When will it end?

Just a few days ago, I almost had the perfect smooth skin that I've always wanted. I tried hard to make it as smooth and fair as possible. Almost succeed [Almost dared to go out in shorts again] then BAM!! Rashes came back again. All happened overnight. Why the fuck it happened? Because I took this new medicine. Ew. WTF! Back to square one.... -_-; !@#$%^&*

I'm getting really really frustrated with this whole skin issue. It's like 'ddduuuddeee you're not meant to have smooth skin!'. D: Fuck you.

Last night, me and Nini went to watch Ip Man 2. I love it! XD Jeeze... I missed Ip Man 1 though. Why? Cause when I first saw the poster, I thought it's some stupid hero show...like the Cicak Man or something. And I thought it's pronounce I.P man as in man itself. But it's actually a name... pronounced Yip Man... Man pronounced as Man from the word 'manja'. But just yesterday I found out it's actually about Bruce Lee's master. Now I'm really interested in that. Movies based on true stories have always been intriguing to me. XD Of course there are some modifying going on but still, there are facts in there.

I didn't yawn or get distracted for the whole movie. It's the actions and the sound tracks that made me so pumped up. XD I'd give it 4.8 out of 5 which is something I rarely give to a movie. What's lacking is that... I noticed the students were wearing very modernized clothes... I feel so dumb now but do they actually have beanie in the old days? o.O;;

Anyway, I think it's a movie worth recommending. XD Next movie that I'm looking forward to...

Toy Story 3! XD!!
And POTC 4. >_> But's it's next year so... =|

Yea so...
Just finished downloading Ip Man 1...
So...

Bye!

Second post of the day~!

Yea, I've been blogging lately. I don't know why. @_@
No, I'm not bored. At least I don't feel bored. X3
But I guess it's the blogging phase again.
And I know no one's reading it.
But it's nice to type down my thoughts.
At the end of the day, I can sleep with an empty mind.

If I have to choose an anime to be in, I'd definitely pick Ouran High School Host Club. It seems very worry-free there and well, the characters seemed like the type that would have your back no matter what once you get on their good side. Like a guaranteed protection. That's what I need. Friends I know I can trust. But people nowadays, all they know is to take advantage of another person. Then after they get what they want, that person is thrown aside. Society today is immoral and corrupted. Easily bribe. Easily supporting the winning side just to save their skin.

Loyalty is in extinction.

Mother's day is coming. Allan and me planned to buy my mother a gift. He suggested cake at first but I told him my mum isn't a fan of it. We continued to think and in the end I went in googles to search for some suggestion. Then Allan suggested to buy her a jewelry hanging... thing. It's a body of a woman but it's something we can use to hang our accesories like necklaces, bracelets, watches, earrings, rings and etc. Since my mother has a lot of those, he suggested to buy just that so it's easier for her to find for the things she wants to wear. Today while he's out to celebrate his birthday... yes, falls on the 5th May, he hunted down for that thing too. Even sent pictures for me to choose from. Currently he's still on the search. XD

Just received pictures from him again and I decided on one with the sky blue, black with a bit of golden on the dress. When I have the chance I'll be taking a picture of it.

Princess had her second shot. The doctor said she's very well fed. Of course, look at the tummy. -_- my mum thought she was pregnant. But she's too young to be. XD When she got home she was still hyper but after an hour or two, she started getting very sleepy and slept for a few hours before going back to being hyper again. She's a good exercise for me everyday. >_>; Every time I have to handle her, I'm always perspiring! D:

Her favourite food was tuna from the can but now she wants chicken. >_>; Such a fussy little kitty. But cute! Whee~!! Some of her fur's getting darker and there's a new patch beside her eye. Part of her face turned a little dark brown but not so dark. It's really light but that one patch above her eye is getting darker. I wondered if she'll end up with a dark face. <_<;>_<; Me wuv her!

Mornin'

For the past few weeks, I've been making it a habit to wake up at 6, if not 5 something in the morning every weekdays and on weekends, 8.30 or the latest 9. This morning, I woke up at 5 sharp. I made my bed and opened the windows, expecting to have a gush of cool fresh morning air that I used to always feel a few years back.

Nothing.

The air was stuffy and warm.

I'm actually worried.
I wish it rains heavily everyday.
=/
I never complain about the weather on year end when it was always raining.
Now, you can almost hear me complaining about how hot and stuffy the weather is.
Gosh... global warming is scary.
When are they going to wake up?
We've been using lesser air cond compared to last time.
We need it though.
Because it's so hot.
But I was thinking...
The hotter the weather is, the more air cond will be blasting.
Thus, the global warming continues.
-_-
This is never going to end.
And it's actually scary...
D:

Just checked the weather forecast.
Said there's a chance that it will rain.
I HOPE SO!!!!!!!!!!!
AMEN!!!!

Ceh....

Alan fixed it! >_>; Thank goodness.
Smart boi~!
Whee!
Small problem...
The memory card's dirty...
And we can't see them.
So he used an eraser and rubbed it gently.
Then put it back in and then ta da!
Sigh...
I guess it's useful to start working when we're still young. A lot of experience to share!

On a side note, I had a weird dream last night... Then again all dreams are weird.
I dreamed that I was a blue ranger. XD Yes, from Power Rangers. My childhood heroes. XD!!!
But yes it was weird... but I wasn't a blue ranger the whole way. I was another ranger which I forgot who... But I know I was a male for the whole dream and I'm hot! XD!!! Shyeah~!
In the middle of the dream though, I ended up saving blue ranger.... And I was seriously injured. Then Pink Ranger helped me to this... huge car drove by this guy from CSI New York... forgot his name but he's my favourite leader in CSIs. He's the leader for Power Rangers... XD!!! I forgot how it ended though...

Dad's working night shift tonight~! It's going to be just me, mum and mah sistah~!

Ever feel like...

... You're the unluckiest person in the world?
I just did.
Sigh.

I know there are people far worst than me but I just can't help thinking ya know.
Something happened to my birthday present. In less than a month, I've visited the shop two to three times for repair.I just went to the shop yesterday to get things repaired. First of all, it's the fucking left arrow. I didn't touch the fucking arrow and it just went to the left by itself. Thus this is why I kept dying in games. Fuck that. Second, it refused to read the fucking memory card thousands of times and I got really fed up with it trying to switch it on and off and taking in and out the card just to get it read. It still refused to work even after ten times and right after I almost felt like I just want to give up on it, it started. Okay, happy... but not even ten minutes of playing it, there it goes again. The card somehow couldn't connect to the fucking device. What is that? What shit is that? After taking in and out the card shit, it refused to start and went to this recovery menu shit. I don't hear my friends complain about that shit. No, never. Their games and shit seems fiiiinnnee but not me... ooohhh nnooo... the God of Gadgets just loved to pick on me. I spent half an hour to an hour waiting for that nice man to get it fix. Yea sure everything's fine.... but not even for five hours... the card reading problem happened again. I got it fix MYSELF but this morning, no matter how many times I took it out and in, it just refused to read it. WTF WTF WTF. YOU ASS. I love this thing but... sometimes I just want to throw it against the wall. Not that it would help. Gah! I'm beyond frustration at the moment! Bitch! Bastard! Dickhead! GAH!!!! And I don't even know who I'm aiming that at... =/
ANnd ooo yes, my friends got it at a so much lower price. I bought it way later than them and the price just have to... shhhooot up! And somehow the quality is shitty or I'm just that unlucky. Fuh.

Sometimes I'm sooooo the drama but I just gotta rant.
Damn it.
Damn Sony!

⊙▂⊙

Another day, another post!

These few days, little Princess was being so naughty. D: She kept going out to fight big cats and actually won... >_>; Wtf... The first time she fought, she came back with a lot of injuries. I mean, what do you expect? A kitten versus two big fat fugly looking cats. D: That was the first and last time she came back with injuries. -_-; She started going out for fights when she knew the way to the back of the house. u_u; And most cats are there instead of front. They only go to the front to get her food. >_<>_> She rests in the afternoon though, most of the time. A nap or just watch TV. Sometimes just laze around for the whole afternoon if there's nothing else to do. Sometimes I feel stressed just listening to her complain. -_-; It makes me feel like I'm a huge burden to her which is true... Sigh...

And dad does the unnecessary -_- Sure, he needs to work but who the hell mops the house three times a day?!!! Everyday!!! Wasted our time too!! And I think dad needs to help her to do things like... Accompany her out for settling things or just shopping. But no, all he knows is work, work, work. Even public holidays. =/ I see people's dad taking them out for a family time. We hardly have that. Most of the times we don't eat meals together. This family just doesn't have the family feeling anymore. I used to eat at my friend's house sometimes and just sitting there with her and family makes me happy cause there was a conversation going even if it's just pointless. But the feeling is nice. I envy her for having such a nice family. Sometimes they argued and debated. But my parents and I, we're so individual-ish. Most of the times I eat meals alone. X3 Not that I mind. I just wish we could eat together sometimes. e_e;; Sure, I get what I want. Gadgets, money and etc but I can never have what money can't buy.

A real family.

We may look happy together outside -- to other people. In fact, inside this house, everyone's lonely. Sad to say, the only thing that keeps this thing together is a little naughty, mischievous Siamese. -_- She's sho cute! Sqqquuueeezzzeeee!!! >_<

Despite all those complains, I still love my family to death!

On a brighter note [I think], I've been downloading movies! Yeap! The internet line has been ungraded so it's been easier for me to download them. Depending on the size of the movie... say... 700mb, it can be done by 1 hour+ but mostly 2 to 3 hours~! I've downloaded a lot of comedies cause that's what I prefer than those slow, romantic ones or those lots of talking ones. D: I've been picky too! I think after Titanic, Leonardo Dicaprio's movies are all... like a cure for insomnia. If ye get whut I mean... ;D But movies like... The Toothfairy, The Game Plan or Bruce Almighty!

Yea, movies like those... keep 'em coming.
But movies like... Sherlock Holmes or The imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus or Last Chance Harvey... I skipped... D: Lots of talking. -_-; Just... no...

They don't give me the 'Ooh what happens next' moment. D: Oh wellz~!

On a side note, thanks to my sister's boyfriend, she has become a better person... Still bitchy but better. But there's one thing that I really dislike about him. He's really nosy.... D:
And today little Princess is going to get her second shot. D: Poor thing....

Buh.... that is all. XD For today.