Frustrated =_=

If parents have more than one child, they tend to have favourites.

I never thought about it or at least never thought Much about it. Well, from other people's eyes, my little sister is my dad's little princess.

I've always thought it wasn't true. But maybe I was just in denial. XD Figures.
I noticed he doesn't listen to me but he listens to her. He may just agree and nod to whatever I said but he'll never do it but when my sister says something, he'll try to grant her wishes.
He's not happy when I protest but for my sister, he'd probably do anything to make her happy. Or maybe I'm just saying all this out of emotion. I'm an Aries... I let emotions take over me sometimes. D: Makes me say/do/think nonsense and regretting it later on. =_=

I didn't want her to play my laptop [Cause she downloads crap like.. Chinese writing which I ended up not knowing how to use MY OWN LAPTOP] but he pretended he needed to use it and left it downstairs for her to play with. What for? PMR is so near. She is supposed to be studying a little. Back when I was 15, he took computer away from me. Why does she have to be treated differently? It's unfair but I have to suck it up so he doesn't hate me.

It occurred to me...
That if it's about life and death... If he was to choose me or my sister... I bet with you he'll choose my sister.
She's healthier and easier to take care of while I'm a sick person and harder to take care of. It's not like I asked for it... =.=;
I don't think anyone asked to be sick anyway right? But shit happens. Suck it up. Lol.
Stand up and be strong. Do whatever you like.
People... say that to encourage but seriously, they don't know what's it's like. It's not them who is sick so they don't understand.
I'm sick of being strong but I have my pride to not make myself look weak. I may look like I need no one but in fact inside I wished for a shoulder to lean on. Like I said before... And like I told my friends...

'Everyone needs Someone.'
Even if it means those tough looking men in Navy. I'd do anything to be there if anyone needs me but I'm afraid to find someone to lean on whenever I need someone to just... listen to me.

Mum is sensitive and sometimes couldn't understand the situations I find myself in. Dad is more rational but meh... as if he listens to me.

This is why I bottle everything up. One day the contents in that bottle will overflow. I'll have to find another bottle. That's all. XD I'm a strong person. *muscle* XDD Yea, I cheer myself up when I'm sad. It's not like I have someone I could trust to talk to. The person that I talked to before... well, she's busy. XD So I don't wanna burden her.

Sucks to be me. I wonder when I'll die. In ten years? thirty? All I know is I'm not going to live until I'm eighty.

I doubt it.

I shouldn't be complaining about my dad. I think he's a great dad and I'm the luckiest person to have him as my dad. But I just wish he stopped giving whatever my sister wants. Not because I'm jealous. I swear I'm not. But it isn't like my sister is a good girl.If you give her 2 she'll want 3 instead of appreciating the 2. If you get my drift. She's a delinquent but my dad isn't doing anything about it because she's his little princess. It'd kill him to hurt her. If I did what my sister did before, I'd probably be hated and disown by now. Ha! XD

Such a depressing post after so long eh?
Well, I need to take those depressing thoughts out so I can be happy again. This is why I blog. Whether if there's someone reading it or not, at least this is where I can keep my secrets from my real life.

It's been a while...

... since I posted.
I'm lazy and a lot happened I guess.

I'm too lazy to update. XD
Anyway...

I apologized and asked for forgiveness.
It's all up to the person.
I owe no one now.

On another note, a childhood friend of mine hasn't been contacting me. I texted but she never text back. I'm not sure if she came online but I made sure I'm on everyday now.

I wonder if it really happened. Something I dislike when a friend goes overseas to study. In the beginning there were contacts which eventually became less and less... and in the end... I became... 'was'-part-of-their-life. I really didn't want it to happen. She's one of people in my 'special' list. XD Whatever that means... it means she's one of the person I cherished the most.

I'm picky when it comes to friends.
I'm friendly but picky.
Ha. Which makes it harder for me to make friends.

But I really, really didn't want it to happen.
I may be paranoid.
Something must have happened.
I'm worried.
But maybe she's just busy after graduating.
Working and all.


Thinking back about us...

It makes me feel even lonelier.

It must be a phase.
These few days I feel so lonely despite having people around me.
I just have no idea why....

Gotta blog this, hoping the feeling would go away.