Memories and Songs: So sien...

These few days I've been feeling so emo. My tiny dot of self esteem disappeared. I've always thought that I'm one ugly girl. Which I am. =\ I've been trying to bring my self esteem up high but I just can't. I keep comparing myself to my friends' and have always thought they are better looking than me.

I don't know how to make up. I don't really know how to dress up because of my size. I feel so fat and heavy all the time. I'm amazed with how certain fat people can doll themselves up and just be themselves ya know. Very impressive. I'm not a social butterfly but I don't stay away from people too. It's easy for me to start a -conversation with someone - a stranger even - but to keep them as a friend or somebody to hang out with, it's difficult. Besides, I tend to stay at the background because I feel so inferior but only when I'm in a huge group. It's just the inferiority that I feel that just kills my social life. It sucks but I just couldn't bring it up. I need help. A support, a comfort but it's just hard to get it from my friends now since they are so busy with their own life and problems. That one person I normally rant to about everything isn't here and that just depresses me. Sometimes I tend to rant to my other close friends but not as much. I need a solution to get over this self esteem problem. To me, I'm always the ugly, fat and the not so smart one. No boys would look at me. No one pays attention to me. I know I sound like an attention whore. XD but hey I'm a human. I need attention from time to time ya know. I know you do too sometimes. It hurts to be ignored or feels as if it doesn't really matter if you're there or not. That's what I exactly feel when I was at the Halloween party. That night just pulls my self esteem down, lower than dirt. =/

I know I'm ranting here but yea, I'll stop emo-ing right now. About the party, I'll talk about it... soon. =D Anyway here are the pictures of that Karaoke day. I know... so lamak then post. Aiyo....